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Answer: It’s fat, mostly.

White chocolate is like if somebody took regular chocolate and thought “What if this tasted worse?” Whether you hate it or your opinions are just bad, you have to admit that it seems kind of weird that the confection gets grouped in with the good kind of chocolate. Maybe you disagree, but in my mind, the two taste nothing alike. And since this is my article, my mind is the only one that matters right now.

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Buckle up, fuckers.

To answer this question, you have to take a look at how chocolate is made. Chocolate is one of those things that is has so many insane steps to it, it seems impossible that anyone discovered it in the first place. For the purposes of this explanation, let’s just say that people do a lot of crazy shit to turn cocoa beans into a paste that’s known as cocoa liquor. As delicious as it sounds, this is basically just baking chocolate, so my dreams of getting drunk off chocolate will have to wait another day.

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Or will it…?

If the cocoa liquor is heated up enough, it will separate out into two new things: Cocoa powder and cocoa butter. Cocoa butter is essentially the fat of the liquor. This cocoa butter is then combined with more chocolate liquor to create the kind of chocolate you’d eat as a snack. To make dark chocolate you would limit the ingredients to the liquor, the butter, and sugar. For milk chocolate, you’d add milk powder to the mix. As for white chocolate? Well, you’d keep the cocoa liquor out of the process altogether and just combine the butter with sugar and milk powder. Basically, it’s chocolate without the stuff that makes chocolate taste good.

 

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Answer: It’s used in the Koshering process.

I’m the first to admit that I’m no expert on most things having to do with religion. I’ve had Purim explained to me a thousand times and I still don’t fully understand what it is. That said, something I’ve never understood is, why kosher salt is so prevalent? I didn’t read the bible too closely, but it seems odd to me that when God was handing down the laws he said “No pork, no shellfish, and here’s the specific kind of salt you should limit yourself to.”

undefinedAlthough, I guess it wouldn’t be the weirdest thing he’s ever done.

You can buy multiple types of salts, and what separates them is basically the how course they are. Sea salt is super course, while table salt is super fine, and kosher salt is somewhere in between. So what about this cut of salt is kosher, exactly? Absolutely nothing, actually. In fact, there are some kosher salts out there that aren’t kosher at all.

Kosher salt wasn’t known as kosher salt until the 20th century when a huge uptick of the Jewish immigrants came to the United States. Eager to capitalize on this new demographic, companies began marketing products to the Jewish community which is when kosher salt got its name. Even though it wasn’t called “kosher salt,” Jewish people had been using it for years. However, the reason they used it was not because it was kosher, but because it was used to make other things kosher. Kosher salt is used to draw the blood out of meat before serving it, thereby insuring that they are kosher. A more accurate name for it would be “koshering salt” but someone labeled it otherwise and the rest is history.

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Answers: It’s the sound digestive system makes when it moves food through your body.

If you’re like me you want food in your mouth at all times. Even as I write this I’m doing my damndest not to eat the Twix that’s in my desk drawer. But even though I’m constantly craving food, I’m rarely truly hungry, and I know this because my stomach isn’t always growling. We’ve all been there: We skip one too many meals, and we hear an unpleasant little sound that says it’s time to chow down. So, why does your tummy get all rumbly when it wants food? Is it just angry?

Surprisingly, bellys don’t have emotions.

Truth is your belly is always growling, you just don’t always hear it. Your digestive system has basically one job and that’s making sure stuff travels from your pie hole to your bunghole. It does this through a series of muscle contractions that move the stuff you consume through your small intestines and stomach. These contractions are called peristalsis and they are what you’re hearing when tum tum starts making noises.

Here’s an artists rendering of what this looks like.

So how come you only hear it when you’re hungry? Well, when you haven’t eaten in awhile, your body triggers this same response in an effort to flush out anything that might still be in your intestines. These contractions are noisier than those you experience when full because there’s more room for stuff to move around in. Youtube Channel, Today I Found Out, likens it to sloshing water around in a bottle. When there’s more water, there’s less sloshing and less noise. Less water and shit gets noisy.

Also….I ate the Twix…

 

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Answer: They’re caused by dilated blood vessels.

If you don’t know what brain freeze is, congratulations: You’ve managed to avoid a lot of unnecessary pain. If you’re one of the unlucky ones, however, you’ve definitely had this experience: You’re eating some delicious frozen treat, only to have you joy interrupted by a piercing, unfathomably painful headache. It’s like God saw that ice cream was perfect in every way, and built in an unpleasant side effect just to be a dick.

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Although, I guess it wouldn’t be the cruelest thing he’s ever done.

So how can something cold in your mouth cause an ache in a completely different part of your body? Well, the general consensus is that is an unfortunate reminder that all of our body parts are connected. Put simply, the inside of your mouth houses arteries that move blood into your brain.When you eat something cold too quickly, the temperature of the artery drops causing the blood vessels inside to dilate. These dilated vessels are then carried to head, where they register as a bitch of a headache.

It feels a little something like this.

Thankfully, knowing the cause helps us in understanding the cure. Because brain freeze is the result of your artery dropping in temperature, the best way to deal with it is to bring that temperature back to normal. There are a couple of ways to do this, but the best is to press your tongue to the roof of your mouth. This will warm up your blood and, while it won’t prevent the pain, it will provide quicker relief. The only way to prevent them is to stop eating delicious frozen treats which fuck you for even suggesting that.

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Answer: You actually can, just not the outer shells.

If you’ve ever taken a dump after eating some corn, you’ve probably looked noticed little kernels sitting comfortably in your stool that seem to have gone through your digestive system completely unphased. It’s a phenomenon that’s as weird as it is disgusting. Of all the foods we eat, how come corn seems to be the only one that doesn’t get turned into doodoo?

No, Shia. It’s not magic.

The most common explanation you’ll hear is that humans can’t digest corn, but this isn’t actually the case. If it were, we’d get no nutritional value from corn, and probably wouldn’t consider it food. In actuality, we do digest most of the corn. It’s just that our stomachs can’t break down the outer shells.

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Corn has a tough outer shell but a sweet interrior…just like me.

The outer part of the corn kernel, or bran coat, is made of a fiber called cellulose. Humans lack the enzymes necessary for breaking down cellulose, so, unlike the insides of the kernel, the bran coat passes through your tummy largely intact. When you later shit it out, it looks like you have whole corn kernels in your dookie because you’re seeing the majority of the visible portion of the food. This is not to say that humans can’t break corn down; it just requires a little more work than with most foods. Though we don’t have the proper enzyme to digest the bran coat, we can still break it down the old fashioned way by using our teeth. If you see corn in your stool, it just means you’re not chewing your food long enough. If, for some reason, you don’t want little nuggets in your poo, just take the time to properly masticate, and they should be far less noticeable.